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Monday, October 16, 2017

31 Monsters #16 - Killbots

The Killbots (or Protectors) are the stars of Chopping Mall (1987). They don't do much chopping, but they do protect our precious malls from partying teens. Killbots employ tasers and ridiculously overpowered eye-lasers to do their job. They are so high-tech that their first night out goes hilariously wrong. Well, maybe it's not so hilarious to Dick Miller who ends up on the wrong end of a lethal taser, or the robot supervisor who gets a claw in the neck, and the half dozen exploded and fried teens...

Likes: Protecting the Spencer's Gifts, Exploding heads
Dislikes: Paint fueled explosions, Horny teenagers
Favorite Movie: Eating Raoul (1982)

Sunday, October 15, 2017

31 Monsters #15 - Caltiki

After The Blob (1958), but before the other The  Blob (1988), there was Caltiki, The Immortal Monster. Caltiki is a formless Lovecraftian mass of tissue that grows to tremendous size in the presence of a particular kind of radiation. Last time it wiped out the Mayans, this time it's coming for the rest of Mexico. Caltiki is capital G gross, a slimy blob of knotted flesh that grotesquely dissolves everyone it touches. The actual model was made from tripe. Ick.

Favorite Condiment: Mayannaise
Favorite Cleanser: Comet
Favorite Superhorse: Also, Comet

Saturday, October 14, 2017

31 Monsters #14 - It Follows

The creature from It Follows (2015) doesn't have a name as far as we know. We virtually nothing about it, other than it is relentless and can look like anyone. We are not even sure what it does when it kills someone other than leave a strangely mangled corpse. Monsters are monsters because there is an element about them that is unknown, and this demon or whatever it is, has that in droves.

Likes:?
Dislikes:??
Favorite Baroque era painter:?
Favorite car model from 1976:?
Favorite flavor of ice cream:?
Favorite member of the band Green Jello:?
Favorite punctuation:?

Friday, October 13, 2017

31 Monsters #13 - Dr. Channard

Dr. Channard is the main villain of Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988). That's a pretty tall order when you're in a movie featuring Pinhead. Dr. Channard begins as the head of a mental hospital and he is obsessed with finding the legendary Lament Configuration for the horrors/pleasures it holds. He gets it, and is transformed into a Cenobite, actually a Cenobite's Cenobite, since he handily takes down Pinhead's entire crew. Channard likes to travel via a giant headworm drilled into his skull, and he enjoys dispatching people with tentacle weapons that shoot from his hands.

Likes: Skinless ladies, Medical puns
Dislikes: Other Cenobites, Walking


Thursday, October 12, 2017

31 Monsters #12 - The Blob

The Blob is the invader featured in The Blob (1958), Beware the Blob (1972), and The Blob (1988). The Blob is formless goop that is incapable of little more than searching for the next meal. That meal is people, and for being a mindless sack of protoplasm, the Blob is really good at acquiring it. Its the perfect faceless menace, there's nothing to reason with, there's no way to intimidate it, it is just going to eat you and there isn't anything you can do about. Well... unless you have a freezer or access to the polar ice caps.

Likes: Curious hobos
Dislikes: Mullets, The Cold
Theme Song Level: Incredibly Catchy

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

31 Monsters #11 - Gor

Gor is a horny space-brain from the planet Arous, in the appropriately titled, The Brain from Planet Arous (1957). He's an escaped convict from a planet populated entirely by space-brains. Since they are creatures primary concerned with thought, Gor discovers the pleasures of the flesh, or at least he makes as far an attempt as 1957 would allow. He possesses Dr. Steve Marsh (John Agar) in a bid to take over the world and turn it into his spearhead for galactic conquest, except he can't keep his hands (or spinal cord, I guess) off of Steve's fiance, Sally (Joyce Meadows).

Likes: 1950s ladies
Dislikes: Dogs, Axes
Favorite Devo Song: S.I.B.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

31 Monsters #10 - Martians

This particular flavor of Martian makes its appearance in the 1953 War of the Worlds. It is interesting that in direct opposition to their nigh-indestructible war machines, the Martians themselves are relatively meek and fragile looking. What's maybe more interesting are their eyes, which mimic the red, blue, and green phosphorescent dots of a color television, and 1953 just happens to be the year that the NTSC standard for color TV was adopted in the USA. Is War of the Worlds really about the juggernaut of television invading the domain of movies?

Favorite Martian: Ray Walston
Hobbies: Vaporizing stuff, Making people see their own skeletons before they die